It is common for us to find it difficult to put our will before the will of others with a simple NO in time.
This difficulty, fear or even discomfort comes from a young age, because they teach us to always be ready to help, share and support others. That is not bad, we can even divide the commandments in two "love God and love your neighbor", love, simply love, when we love we want to help, but many times we forget that we must also love ourselves. To fulfill the commandments we must begin to love ourselves and then our neighbor, otherwise it is impossible to love others.
We have learned that saying no can be considered rude or typical of a selfish or unsociable person depending on the case. Self-esteem also plays an important role in our daily decisions, the lower the level of self-esteem, the more difficult it will be for us to say no, since it is easier to say yes, and let go, than to say no and risk “being left out” of our social circle.
If someone asks us to do something that we do want to do, there is no conflict. They are two needs that go in the same direction. But if they ask us to do something that we don't want to do, that's when we get into conflict. We have to decide which we need to prioritize, mine, or the other's.
Knowing how to say that it does not allow us to develop confidence in ourselves and increase our self-esteem. It also allows us to make our own decisions. It is possible that if we do not exercise the right to say no, we will be involved in situations that violate our principles, creating in us emotional discomfort and negative feelings towards ourselves, even guilt.
How do I know if I have a hard time saying no?
The first symptom would be the tendency to justify ourselves excessively. When we say to ourselves: "I really don't care." "It's not that important either." We get used to enduring discomfort as a "lesser evil." Another symptom, which can be used as a detection, would be to feel angry or disappointed for not having expressed ourselves as we really wanted. Or, despite having said no, feel guilty. Why do we feel guilty, if that is not our legitimate opinion and what we really want to do?
What if we started saying no?
If we start to say that we will not regain a sense of control, control your life. And this perception of control is very rewarding when acquired. Along with it, there are also sensations such as self-confidence, security, self-esteem…, and after all, the strength in one's own convictions, that renewed self-concept. A benefit that people who train this skill did not expect is that, far from perceiving rejection by others, what they observe is the opposite: respect and admiration for the fact of being assertive in those moments or in those social situations. Just the opposite of what they initially feared.
Great job, Mary! I think that one of the problems with which one grows up is this one, many times we do not know that it is okay to say "no", not to want to do something. While it's good to help others, prioritizing ourselves is more important. Knowing this you can save yourself many uncomfortable situations, the most important thing is to learn not to feel guilty by saying no. If we lived life saying yes to everything that is asked of us, then when would we begin to make our own decisions?